June 21, 2012

Coincidence?? I think not

I used to be a huge believer in coincidences. When i say 'used to be' i am referring to life before the death of Savanna. a life where everything was butterflies and sunshine. OK well, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but for the most part that holds true. i would run into an old friend somewhere out of the blue.. 'o what a coincidence.' my view on those changed drastically after Savanna died. (along with so many other things)

first we realized a few things.. the day before she died was Veteran's Day, so J had the day off. he got to spend the entire day with her alone by himself. as a matter of fact he has the last picture taken of her alive. the Friday before she passed, she was getting over a terrible ear infection and upper respiratory infection, so i stayed home with her. we each got 'our day' coincidence? nope.

so suddenly after her death we would spot ladybugs and white feathers in the most unusual of places. whether the lady's were real or of a materialistic nature we would find them.. or they would find us. on her first birthday we released balloons.. we hadn't seen a ladybug in quite some time. as J and i went outside to get some air, we found ladybugs everywhere. there was a day i was in a store shopping, alone. out of the corner of my eye i see something red, a ladybug key chain dangling on the hook of a counter top display, and then i hear a momma calling for her daughter, Savanna. coincidence? negative

these are just the base of the experiences we have walked through that show me there is no definition to coincidence. because nothing is just that, in all actuality, it's God's way of showing us how he has completely molded the world into what it is. i am able to not look at something like that and see only a coincidence, but something so much greater, so much more meaningful, a hidden blessing if you will.

but this story of the non-coincidence keeps going.

for quite some time j and i have been wanting to know of the men that worked on Savanna that day. no they couldn't save her, but i know and believe that they did everything within their powers to do so. but i just always felt some kind of a heart tug to shake their hands, heck give them a hug and thanking them for providing the care and the attention that was needed above and beyond in that moment in time.

well j has decided to pursue a career after the military as a firefighter/paramedic. he has completed his EMT course and is now venturing into the clinical aspect of it. this past weekend was his first adventure. he was so incredibly excited, getting his uniform ready and prepped. he even did his hair in the morning :) (something of which i often fight him to do for me! )

so Saturday he was working 8am-8pm. he got teamed up with his 'mentor' and went on about his day. of course, those normal conversation starters started. married? kids? etc.. you know the drill. its the basic how to get to know someone 101. and of course j proceeded to tell him about Savanna. he told him we wanted to know who had worked on her, that we wanted to thank them. his mentor made a couple calls, and whatya know... one of the guys B was working that day that shift at the same time.

j was able to talk to him, to shake his hand, to thank him. all the things i know he felt he needed to do. and to add warmness to this story he remembered her. he remembered the call. he remembered our girl.

the story doesn't stop there.

the next day j was talking to the dispatcher, asked her how long she had worked there etc.. 3 years she said. he then simply stated.. 'you probably got the call for our daughter.' it seems they had all talked about it, and she had been the one to pull the records from that November 12th day. and she told him she remembered it too. she remembers all the little ones. she told him that she remembered the guys talking about how they had jumped medians and curbs to try to get to her faster.

as he told me these stories, these stories that pertained to our life story.. it was more bits and pieces of Savanna's story really. it was like i was getting another piece of her in a way. i was getting maybe some closure to a part of her death that i didn't have before. i was hearing with my own ears and through J's words how her life has still impacted complete strangers. it was sad, it was happy, it was everything and anything in between. i wasn't sure if i should be proud or saddened. but i know that tears were streaming down my face.

again, the story continues on..

on Sunday, they had not received many calls.. it was a 'slow' day of some sorts. it was late, j was going to be done within the next hour or so when a call was heard over the loudspeaker. it a peds call (pediatric) one paramedic told j that in his 30 years of service, he had only received 12 peds calls. so the chances of it happening on J's second day on the 'job' seems coincidence I'm sure.. but read on more to find that it was such a God thing that happened.. something that completely re-affirms my belief that all things are happening for a reason.. whether we will see that reason, understand that reason, or accept that reason is unknown, but it is truly what i believe to be true.

they asked J if he wanted to go, if he was sure. he said yes. he knew this was the one type of call he would not know how he would react to, how he would cope or deal with it. but he knew he had to, it was part of the job. so he went.. they got there and B, the man that worked so diligently to save our girl asked him if he was ready, if he was OK, and if he was sure he wanted to do this. yes, he said. and so they did. and together, J and B worked on this 2 year old little boy. J and B worked together to save this little 2 year old boy. together they were able to bring back a boy for his family.

Such a special moment. Such a blessing. Such a true testament of faith and fate alone. After that incident, it has completely and totally justified itself in my mind, that there are no such things as coincidences. just a healing blessing sent to my husband, daddy to Savanna. a wink from God to let him know that we will be OK. and to let us know that because of Savanna, her daddy is going to do great things.

So if you ask me if I believe in coincidences my answer is no.. I do, however believe in God's whispers.