September 10, 2011

A word of caution

To the person who left this comment on my previous post and to those others who might make something similar...

if you don't want to stay at home and raise your child, then you shouldn't have any more children.I'm sorry but letting a daycare raise your baby is just wrong.They don't get the love and nurturing that we as mothers can give.these babies don't get the love and comfort from daycare workers.You can try to tell yourself over and over again that this is right, but you should be ashamed of yourself.You obviously didn't love every moment of being a stay because you say you were driving yourself crazy.I have read so many blogs just like yours where the parents try to convince the rest of us how much they loved their child, but after reading the answers to some of these questions, there doesn't seem to be any warmth or love or even sadness expressed in your words.

First of all, I never once asked for your 'advice' as piss poor as it is, keep it to yourself. Second of all, unless you have lived one day, just one day in my shoes don't even begin to judge my reasonings or reactions to the way I would do things in my life. For you to say there doesn't seem to be any warmth love or sadness expressed in my words clearly shows you have none of these things. This is a safe place for me to go and I have allowed others in to follow along. Do not disrespect, my place with your poison. This all goes back to something we have all learned as young children, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. There is no right no wrong way to raise a child. As long as they are raised in an environment filled with love, compassion, morals, values and faith. She had all of these things. Because we are both working parents we were able to provide the things needed for her without ever wondering where the next meal was going to come from. And, by the way.. the sitter did not 'raise' my child. I RAISED MY DAUGHTER. And any other parent who has ALLOWED their children in daycare will say the same thing. The children grow up to have our morals our values. They know who we are. Clearly you have not read anything else I have said, or you would realize the guilt I already have with this subject. Do me a favor, take the door and leave this blog. Your comments and hatred and uncalled for 'advice' are not needed nor wanted. This is the first negative comment I have received and it will be the last.  Do not try to tell me that I did or didn't love the moments I had at home with my daughter. They are all I have left. And one last thing... it's people like you why people like us who are grieving don't talk out loud. Nothing but judgement and your own 'personal idea' of how we should be grieving. Keep your BS to yourself and stay out of my world.

Should anyone else feel the need to 'express their advise' I will be making this place private. Your COMMENTS and THOUGHTS are always welcome... your ADVICE is not. 

32 blessings, thoughts. &. feelings:

OurCarsAndCops said...

Tabatha- I am sorry you had to deal with someones unthoughtful words. Its not fair. You are an amazing woman. You are/were an amazing mom. Anyone who knew you, knew that. We all love you and I hope for nothing but the best for you. You are in my thoughts ALWAYS. LOVE YOU GIRL!!! Keep your head up and never let stupid people bring you down!

Tena said...

Well first of all this women obviously has issues that she would pour all her hatred and poisen out on someone she doesn't know anything about. Secondly, my kids went to daycare. The very best I could find with the very best staff. They were loved and cared for and the kids thought of the caregivers as extended family. Some are close close friends even today. Each family has a right or wrong way to raise kids. I've seen many stay at homes so frustrated their kids would have been better off with a sitter and could have benefitted from being socialized with other kids. Don't let her get to you Tab. She's crazy and demented. You were and still are a great Mom and a wonderful person. She knows nothing about you. If you want to look her up......I've got your back!

Tiffany said...

Good for you Tabatha! You are no doubt an amazing mom and Savanna knows it. That lady was so out of line and obviously has her own insecurities to deal with. She is thoughtless and insensitive. You are awesome. And you know what?, as a stay at home mom, I think it's ok to say that sometimes you go crazy. Staying at home is the hardest job, and everyone has bad days at work. Whether you are at home or send your kids to daycare, it doesn't mean you love them any less. Savanna is obviously a very loved or adored child, and was so lucky to have you guys as her parents. Lots of love to you my friend!!
PS I'm wearing my Savanna tshirt right now!!

Harlowe said...

I've never commented on your blog, but I've followed a while and I just can't close my mouth on this one. I am not a SAHM. I got 7 beautiful months at home with my baby but had to go back to work, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't mind having the break. However, I have to be gone between 12-14 hours a day due to the long commute, and I hate all the time I miss out on with my baby. But I do this because my job pays well and can therefore provide things for him that we wouldn't be able to if I didn't work. And it has great benefits so we can afford to take care of any ailment that may (god forbid) befall him. I do feel at times that I should be spending more time with him, that maybe the lifestyle we're providing for him is not as good as more time spent with his mom. The guilt is always there, but his daycare provider is like a second mom to him. I can honestly say that she loves him. And if anything were to happen to my husband and myself, she is who my baby would go with. It's so ignorant to say that a baby isn't getting love or nurturing when they are at daycare, that is simply untrue. He gets hugs and kisses, and played with, and rocked to sleep, cuddled when he cries. I'm sorry this is so long, it's just so frustrating to have someone say that working mothers don't deserve to have children because they can't be there every single minute. I'm so sorry that someone actually wrote that to you, what a cruel thing to say. It's obvious that you love your daughter and always will.

Tiffany said...

That hateful woman needs to go kick rocks! How dare she sit there with that "holier than thou" attitude and bring more guilt and grief to an already grieving person. Anyone who dares to even go there with someone who already suffering is really a poor excuse for a person. Period. She needs to take her unsolicited advice elsewhere.

((hugs)) tabatha you are a great mother. And Savanna knows. I'm so sorry you were attacked in this way. Sending you my thoughts and love now and always.

SJW said...

Lady, I don't know you personally and I've just started following your blog.....but I would bet my fat ass that the lady who posted that is probably able to stay at home because us taxpayers are paying for her to do so. She will probably breast feed until the child is 5 years old and volunteer to be the homeroom mom at his school up until he graduates the 12th grade. You are right - unless she has walked in your shoes - she should shut the fuck up. I have four kids - thank you very much - and I've had a miscarriage. I was fortunate to stay at home with two of them - which by the way was harder than any 'real' job I've ever had - and with the last one, I had to go back when he was 9 weeks old. Mothers and women in general are the hardest working people on this planet. Period. No matter in what shape or form we come in or raise our kids in, real mothers need to be there for one another - not sit up on their 'stay-at-home couches' and judge other people. Yes, staying at home is probably the ideal for any baby - but you know what?? So is eating vegan, making your own clothes, growing your own food, and paying for everything with cash....I wonder if that lady does all of that?!

Sorry for the rant -but I truly do appreciate every real mom out there - working or staying at home - and cannot stand when one of their own doesn't lend their support.

Shannon said...

Wow. I am a career mom. All I can say is "wow".

Rissa said...

I cannot even believe that someone would have audacity to say something like this to you. You do not know who I am, but I have been following your blog; and every time you post, my heart breaks for you. I personally run a day care out of my home, and I can say that I provide the same care for my "day care children" as I do for my own four children. I love all of the kids that I have in my care, and give them exactly what they need. I understand that there are some day cares that do not provide this kind of care and attention. But it is unfair to say that the children do not give love and comfort from day care workers, and then to tell you to be ashamed of yourself! From all that I have read in your blog, I can tell you are an amazingly caring mother and you are dealing with a grief that no mother should ever face. This woman has no sense of what grief or loss is, otherwise she never would have said anything like this to you. She also must be so insecure in herself and her own abilities, that she finds it necessary to tear down a fellow mother who has lost her baby. I cannot tell you how sorry I am that you were treated this way and that she was such a heartless woman. Way to go for standing up for yourself. Keep your head held high and know that you are an AMAZING mother, Savannah knows that too. God bless you.

Allison said...

I am in complete awe over this. I am a SAHM, but never push our lifestyle over on anyone. Everyone has to make the Best decisions for THEIR own family. I feel your love for your beautiful baby girl in every word you type. I will continue to pray for your broken heart to mend over the loss of your precious Savanna!

Not that it will mean anything, but I'm so sorry anyone would ever have the nerve to say what they did to you.

B said...

I don't know you, just came across your blog. The love you have for your daughter melts my heart!! Unfortunately there will ALWAYS be evil in this world!! They are the ones who will have to answer to a higher power one day......and I HOPE HOPE HOPE I'm there to see it!!

Kellie Staats said...

I'm sorry Tabatha. I have had some REALLY rude comments on my blog. Its so hard to do but you HAVE to ignore them. Remember you are pouring your heart out and there is always one rotten egg in the bunch. Think of how many people support you!

I just want you to know you did nothing wrong. You are an amazing mother. I only know you through FB and your blog but I KNOW you ARE a GREAT mother!!!

But, you are right..this person is why we do not like to share our grief story and its simply sad!!!

rebecca said...

I'm so sorry, what a judgmental ignorant person she was to attack you with such a negative comment. You are obviously a wonderful mother. Sending love your way ((hugs))

Lovemylinz said...

Unreal, unbelievable and definitely NO class what so ever! I can not begin to tell you how sorry I am for how rude people are! Please realize that there are cruel people in this world, and I am glad you seem to be able to brush it off and realize this person is just a mean, bitter, ugly person. We all know that just because you worked outside of the home does not make you a bad, non loving mom. That is just an uneducated, foolish comment. I stay at home with my daughter, but I have no right to look down at moms who make different choices. Choices that are their own, and just fine! Your daughter was lucky to have you as a mommy, and we can all tell how much she was loved by reading your words of love, loss and heartache. Keep your chin up, and ignore the haters of this world. I feel bad for their children... (hugs) and God bless!

Lexi said...

You an amazing mom and don't ever let anyone tell you other! Your daughter is and will continue to be proud of you!

Randi said...

Tabatha,

Whatever is best for you as a parent is best for your child. In my household, being a working mom is best for our life. Therefore, that is best for my son. Every household is different and every household's choice is the right choice for them. I can't stand people who think that they know everything there is to know about parenting. NO PARENT IS PERFECT! I bet this person posted anonymously too. A person that ignorant generally doesn't have the guts to put their name behind their moronic comments.

I want you to know that I have followed your blog (and Kellie's and some others) for a little while now and you all have helped me so much. My friend lost her baby girl in July and I know that you all have helped me to be the best friend that I can be to her. I want to thank you for that and I hope that you don't let idiotic people upset you!

summergibbs said...

Seriously...I would like to hunt this woman down and give her a piece of my mind. Don't let her negative and insensitive words even bother you for one minute. Savanna is YOUR baby and she knows how much you love and miss her. Being a working mom doesn't make anyone a bad mom. Everyone is different and no one should ever judge what another person is going through. Stay strong and don't let the jerks of this world hurt you.

Veronica said...

I've followed you for awhile, but I've never commented. WOW, is all I can say. Obviously, this person is an uneducated, ignorant, moron. He/She is probably living off of US because some people NEED to have two parents working in order to meet the needs of ourselves and the people who take, take, take...WAY TO GO. BTW--I absolutely LOVE reading your blog (I just wish you wrote more often, so I had more to read from you!)

Jen said...

Wow, I am just stunned that someone would make that comment to another mother, especially a grieving mother. I am so sorry. I think anyone that has read your blog knows how much you loved Savanna. Oh, and I am a stay-at-home mom and don't look down on working moms at all.

It's sad that judgemental people like this exist in the world. My blog for Lily just went private on Monday to avoid crap like this...

Tarsh said...

Well said!!!! The fact you have a blog and the beautiful things you say about your daughter shows your true love and dedication to her and her memory. It is such a sad thing that someone else thinks they can make comments like that on your personal space where you should only have support not critisim. I myself am an early childhood teacher and know from my work environment that there are some wonderful day cares that provide a wonderful nuturing place for children and I am also a mum who needs time out from her children here and think that is perfectly normal, so understand your commitment to work and requiring childcare. I think the person who made that comment should go and look at themselves in the mirror and leave you alone.

Rebecca said...

I am disgusted that some loser would come to your blog and post something as insensitive,rude, and bitchy as that. Get a life...

Tabatha, your blog has helped and enlightened the lives of so many. I share the sentiment of others in regards to the "one rotten egg" in the bunch. Can you block that person from your blog in any way?

I wouldn't blame you if you went private...just be sure to invite me and all of your other faithful followers. :)

You are an amazingly loving and devoted Mommy, and you and Savanna are loved by so many! <3

Brittney said...

You know that I don't swear but that was a good ass kick! You should not have to put up with that! I read that to my hubby and we are just sick that someone would have the guts... ok, balls to say such hurtful mean things! I did have to work when my baby was 4 weeks old, and I cried the whole time, til he was 10 months, then decided to stay home. Althought he didn't go to "daycare" he was with someone we trusted whole heartedly as I know you did too. It isn't easy being away, we all do what we have to do, and for those who want to play god, becareful! I believe in karma:) I love you Tabby so much and pray you continue to have the strength to do what you know is right for you and your family!!

Rachel said...

I am so shocked and horrified at the way some people behave. Please dont make your feelings private you dont even know how much you help others in similar situations. God Bless.

Natasha said...

OMG Tabatha how horrible. People are so crazy and horrible and I hate that on top of everything else you should have to deal with this kind of crap from someone else. I'm so very sorry.

I know your baby girl thinks she has a fabulous Mommy who loves her so much. And that's all that matters.

It's hard sometimes to not consider making your blog private when you have people out there who are so hateful and just want to look at our lives and judge- how we lived when babies were alive and how we handle our grief now that they are gone. They have ABSOLUTELY no idea.

Sending lots of love your way mama......xoxo

Reese said...

I lost a child. And I am a working mother now. This woman forgot to factor in today's economy. Some mother's would love to stay home, but simply can't afford to. I choose to be out in the world because I love what I do and I believe it will benefit my daughter in the long run. And no one has the right to say you don't love your daughter. I am so sorry that you were subjected to this.

ASHLEY ELDER said...

I can't believe that someone would make such a horrible comment. Know that most NORMAL people do NOT feel that way towards you!! Thinking of you ((Hugs))

Mamarazzioftwoboys said...

Amen Tabatha!

ELSSY said...

Dear Anonymous: (because all these cowards who says such horrible things are "Anonymous") Mean and stupid it's not a good combination... and you're a perfect example of that. Thank you very much!!!!

Tabatha we love you!!!

Jen said...

I read your post a couple days ago and honestly, I have been thinking about it ever since. It makes me so sick that someone could say those terrible things to you. They obviously have some issues. We are working moms because that is what is best for our child and family. I am not cut out to be a SAHM and working makes me a better mom. You are a great mom and it is so clear in your writing that you love your daughter more than anything!

Shananigans said...

BRAVO for your well written reply!! I have encountered many people like that in my journey. They don't get it and they never will. You showed that you are full of class and that you take the high road. HUGS to you!

traci said...

I've never commented on your blog, but have been reading about your beautiful daughter. I'm so sorry that person's comments upset you. I also work full time to be able to provide a good life for my child. She spends her days with her great-aunt, someone who we know loves her. I too feel the guilt and sadness about not being able to spend every day with her, but we're doing the best we can with what we've got. I cherish our evenings and weekends.

Hugs to you. Oh - and I have a niece named Savanna, too! =)

Dennise said...

Oh Tabby! What an awful person to put that up on your blog! You go girl, you tell her! Everyone who knows you, and obviously a lot of people who don't, know you are a caring mother. I know how much you love Savanna. You guys are still in my prayers, now if only there werent those cruel and hateful people out there. And you know me...i have 3 of my own, and I love my kids more than life itself, but guess what? I am a full time mom and a full time employee, I wouldn't change it either. It gives me something to look forward to when I get off of work. I am proud of you, and I love reading your blogs and I love how you spoke your mind to that woman. Love you chica. Take care.

Rosa said...

Tabatha, this is the first time I've read your blog..I've spent two and a half hours reading every single word, thought, tear, and loving moment you've poured into this blog for Savanna. I have been crying my heart out for you and my heart aches at the thought of the pain you must have felt that day..but I also want to say that you are truly blessed by that little angel to continue to smile and make average days great. You are so strong beyond words and you are a truly inspiring and amazing woman. I feel blessed to be able to read your blog and see the pictures of your beautiful baby girl. May God continue to bless you & may Savanna continue to make her presence known in your life.