December 21, 2010

Welcome to the planet Savanna Dawn...

36 Weeks 
Captured by Photography by April Smith
It was a Sunday like any other Sunday. J's biweekly haircut, weekly midwife appointment, lunch with the parentals, laundry, cleaning and more preparation for Baby Bogue. I was 38 weeks pregnant and yearned for a normal nights sleep! That day was no different! I woke up every couple hours needing to pee. (Little Bogue liked to do the cha-cha on my bladder). I awoke that day at about 7:30AM needing to pee of course. I started to have some contractions, but thought, it's getting closer to my due date no need to fret. So I did my business and laid back down. As I tossed and turned to get comfortable I had to go to the bathroom... again.. this time it had only been 15 minutes since my last urinal release. This time the flow was joined by the wretched #2. The contractions were still going, this time I decided to time them. They were about 5-7 minutes apart lasting about 2-3 minutes. they weren't painful, just annoying. This was now at about 8:30. J was still snoozing, so I thought I should let him know what was going on..

"Go back to sleep" was his response. What a loving husband.. So I laid back down, only to immediately have to get back up and release more to the porcelain goddess. This time I noticed something, the mucous plug. I read all the books and read all the articles. It seemed about right, the mucous plug will go about a week or two before you actually go into labor. I called J over to have him examine it as well. His response "yup sure is, I'm going back to bed" Again with the love! And he went back to bed. At this point the contractions were a little bit more uncomfortable still about 5-7 minutes apart. I called the midwife to let her know what was going on. She was scheduled to be there at 11:30 for our weekly appointment. It was now about 9:00. She said 'well you might be having a baby today'

The pool she was born in!
Immediately I thought, no way I still have two more weeks! I haven't even finished the crib set yet! Shrimp (our cat) started to act a little crazy, so I told J to bring her to my moms. The contractions were slowly getting more intense. Not enough to be painful, but enough to make me stop in my tracks until it passed. I than called SB (baby Bogues godmom to be and my very dear friend and doula) She was on her way, J finally got back. It was starting to sink in with both of us that this could be it. This could be the day we meet our little squirmer we've only known as a bump for the last 38 weeks. At about 10:30 the most intense contraction came, I stood up with the sudden urge to pee, only it wasn't pee.. As soon as I stood up my water broke. We called OT (the midwife) and told her what happened. I told her what the fluid looked like, and she advised we get the pool ready with lukewarm water and to maybe get in the shower to try to relax a little. Shortly after, SB got there. The contractions were way intense and all I could think is that 'I want my mom!' Just like any child who is in pain they want their mommy! So J called her and she was on her way. Finally OT got there with her two assistants. She checked me and I was already 7 cm dilated and 100% efaced!! This was only 4 hours after I first started feeling the contractions. Well needless to say, I was in pain.

I had no idea what I was thinking doing this naturally and at home on top of that. I remember wanting to just sleep. Contractions started to be 90 sec apart lasting 90 sec. I always heard stories of women sleeping in between contractions and always thought it was a myth. I'm here to tell you that I did!! So contractions are coming hard and coming fast, I can't get comfortable. I'm moving from bed, to couch, to pool, back to bed. At about 1:30/2:00 OT checked me again, I was 9 cm! There was still just a bit to go.. She had me move into all these weird positions to try to get the last little bit to go. By no means were they comfortable at all! I felt like someone was giving me an indian rugburn from the inside of my stomach. The pain started radiating through my back and I was tired. Finally at about 2:50 OT checked me again and I was fully dilated! I could finally start pushing.

Up until than, I just felt useless. I  knew that my body had to do all the work, and that I had to be there to support it. I truly thought I was going to die! But now, I got to actually do something! I got to push! So we headed to the pool. With J on my left bracing my bottom and shoulder, mom behind me keeping my head above water, SB to my right holding everything else, and the midwife at my feet, I assumed the position. And well, I started to push. (I remember being so nervous that I would poo while I was pushing! I kept asking if I did..) So I pushed, and I pushed, and I pushed. Then they could see the head! I could feel the little hairs on the head of baby Bogue and I had a renewed energy. I pushed and I pushed and I kept pushing. As baby Bogue was closer to blessing the world I could slowly see my once basketball of a belly slowly shrink and melt. And than finally after 45 minutes of pushing baby Bogue was born! OT pulled the little wonder out and up and laid the blessing on my chest. You see we didn't know the sex, we wanted it to be a surprise. Most everyone thought it was a boy, there was a few select who thought it was a girl (WS being one of them) But it wasn't the first thing we looked at.
See when baby Bogue finally came into the world there was a little scare. Little Bogue was blue and wouldn't breathe right away. The cord was still pulsing so we knew oxygen was still flowing, and than for what seemed like the longest 5 seconds of my life, a breath was taken and a squeaky whine emerged from this precious little baby. OT administered oxygen and cleared the airway. Not once did I feel worried, I had a sense of comfort and calmness. I remember just rubbing baby's back waiting for the infamous first cry. After about 5 minutes, I finally asked, 'so what is it?' We were already calling baby a HE without knowing if it was really a he or not. So J tried to lift the leg, but the cord was in the way. Finally OT told me, 'it's ok to look!' It was as if I needed permission, it was ok to be the mom now. So I lifted baby Bogue, fully prepared to see a little winky staring back. But what do ya know?!? I was pleasantly surprised that our little bean we had been calling a he for 38 weeks was a girl! And we named her Savanna Dawn. 

At 3:57 PM on March 28, 2010 after a year of trying, 7 hours of labor, and 38 weeks of wonder, pain, hormones, lots of peeing, and great anticipation our little angel was born. She weighed in at 7 lbs and 19.5 inches long. And she was perfect. She was healthy, I was healthy and we were now a family. A real true life American family. She had big beautiful eyes and perfect skin still present with the baby peach fuzz, her tiny hands and toes so docile and wrinkled. Teensy lips and a head full of hair. She squeaked in her sleep and had a pint sized cry to match the rest of her. We were overcome with so many emotions, our first born. Our daughter. Our little girl. Our little blessing. Every uncomfortable moment, every pain, every sleepless night was worth it. We knew from that moment our lives were changed, it was better, it was how it should be. It seemed hard to imagine how our life was without her. 

And now, here we are 8 1/2 months later, and we're having to learn life without her all over again. Except this time, I've had a taste, I feel teased. I have the feel of her little body nuzzled up against me, and the sound of her laugh etched into my ear drums. I've now had the feeling of unconditional love. And now I must learn how to move on without it. There are days when I wish I never had any of it, the pain becomes so unbearable. But than I think, and I wouldn't trade those 7 months 15 days of pure joy for a lifetime without it.

 Dance with the angels baby girl..

Just a couple hours old

2 blessings, thoughts. &. feelings:

Julia said...

You will never, ever forget that unconditional love. And like you said at the Memorial, she will ALWAYS be your daughter. You will always love her unconditionally. If, and when, you have another, you will always compare the new one to her - with justification. She is your first born, and you will always have the memories and the feelings of love. And she will be watching over you until you see her again. I love you!!!

Onyria said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful birth story. I remember it all like it was yesterday. It was a wonderful day, a perfect day (I thought). You were so strong and labored so beautifully (even with all that torture I put you through). And I know you are still strong! I love you so much! So glad I was blessed to be with you that day, I cannot thank you enough.