Monday Mealings (Series part 1)

so remember this post from last week or so? well here i go.. diving headfirst into this scary, hard, treacherous, emotional road. this side of my world leaves me very vulnerable to the world. i am incredibly sensitive about my weight and just the way i look.

as i've said before i think it's completely 'normal' to feel some sense of uncomfortableness with the image we see looking back at us from the mirror. am i right or am i right?

so i have decided to dive head first and not look back. all this knowing there are bumps and turns, ditches and valleys, highs and lows along the way.

i am starting 2 different accountability programs with myself. i have found through numerous and numerous, oh and NUMEROUS weight loss attempts seeing the results just aren't enough for me. weird right?? you'd think seeing the pounds being shaved off, the pants fitting better, the tummy not pudging so much, the lack of the hip swag-and-forth-to-get-your-too-small-pants-over-your-ever-growing-ass-dance --- but they don't. because it never fails, i get bored, i get cravings and i ultimately give in.

so the first accountability i am doing is with my sweet friend and dietican SM. to say she's amazing would be kind.. her ideas are inevitably brilliant yet so simple (it's like that DIY project you see on pinterest and think DUH why didn't i think of that) yup those kinds of moments.

she's motivating, and encouraging and i never feel like i'm bothering her. :) she's made me a great workout routine and has been coaching me through some of the 'negative' self talk.

she rocks.

2nd accountability program??? YOU'RE READING IT!!! ;) (insert round of applause here)

i am going to make myself accountable to you my sweet readers :) it here, every monday that i will post the daily dealings of the week prior. and i will share IT ALL.

as you know (if you have followed me for any length of time) i'm not one to sugar coat things. i get down to business and speak it how it evolves in my mind. and so.. i will share all things weight loss.

here's how the process will go..

-- i will share weekly weigh-in & measurement results along with pounds/inches lost. (and in the off-chance i gain poundage back, i too will share that)
     --eventually i will share progression pics.. not quite to that point yet

-- my meal plan for the week 
      -- this week i will share both since this is the first of the series (i have to play catch up)

--  photos of the weeks meals from the week prior (follow me on IG to get up to date photos )
      -- if there is a recipe you would like done, just ask and you shall receive :)

-- tips & tricks
     -- both the SUCCESSFUL ones and the NOT so successful ones - remember what worked for us may not work for you and vice versa

-- and last but not least, struggles that i had, cheating i did, and any other ups and downs experienced.

i think we all watch these reality shows (biggest loser for example) and see these amazing weight loss stories, and while we definitely see thier trials and tribulations, we also see the celebs who pop out a baby one day and are sportin their string bikinis in a size neg 3 the next day and we wonder... and so we try quick fixes. i want to show you i'm just like you. i'm an everyday person with everyday problems trying to deal with everyday life.

and so begins... Monday Mealings

Stats:

Last week (8/19)
* Weight: 162.6 lbs
* Abdomen: 32 inches
* Upper Arm: 12 inches
* Thigh: 23.5 inches

This week (8/26)
* Weight: 160.8 lbs
* Abdomen: 31 inches
* Upper Arm: 12 inches
* Thigh: 22.5

Total Loss
* Weight: -1.8 lbs
* Abdomen: -1 inch
* Upper Arm: 0
*Thigh: -1 inch

Last weeks meal plan:

 For the longest we always meal planned on Sunday and then went grocery shopping for the week. as our schedules changed and we both became increasingly more busy it just didn't work out for us that way. so what ended up happening? we didn't meal plan + not grocery shopping = eating out EVERY.SINGLE.DAY... and a hefty price to pay i might add. after talking to SM she suggested to shop during the week. (duh!!!! light bulb!!) so we looked at my schedule and decided i would meal plan on sundays and shop on mondays! it was perfect. J and i could still have a good day together on sunday (since this is really our ONLY day together it seems anymore) and i can get in and get out and have some 'me' time at the store. the meal plan below outlines starting on tuesday just because that's houw it ended up working out last night. but that's the beauty of a meal plan.. you do it whenever it suits your schedule. but the trick??? DO A MEAL PLAN!!!!

i've also listed the date and my work schedule in the ( ). just so i know if i need to plan something quick when i work a 3rd (430am - 800pm) just gives me a good visual

 Here is this weeks meal plan:

here you'll notice several different things. first i don't have a 'snacks' column and i only have 5 days worth of meals. 'planning' snacks was kind of unneccasary. now if we had school-age kids in the house maybe a different story, but for it just being J and I we just like to grab the quickest and easiest snack.. it may not neccessarily be what's on the menu. i know i'll always have extra fruit, cheese sticks, granola bars, almonds, 100 cal packs, etc. so we just grab those.

as for the lack of a full week's worth of planning.. we have some good friends (Savanna's GodParents :) ) coming into town on Sunday evening, and so we're doing a plan with them :) don't worry i'll still share it :) 

I'll explain how i meal plan in a later post if you'd like. just let me know if this is something you'd like to see :)

Meals from last week:

Disclaimer: I don't have a pic from each and every meal, and i DID fall off the bandwagon a couple times.. but here's a good idea :)

 This is a whole day's worth of meals a 'food journal' so to speak

B: granola bar & banana
S1: cheese stick & 1 oz almonds
L: Tuna sandwich with spring mix & tomato with a kiwi and carrot sticks with ranch for side
S2: granola bar
D: shrimp stir fry

this was for breakfast one day: just a ww (whole wheat) tortilla with almond butter and sliced bananas - i wrapped in foil and put in the fridge (would be a delicious dessert also)

SNACK TIME! almonds and grapes - a delicous mixture :)

for this the night before we had turkey burgers. 4 came in a pack of pre-formed patties. we each had a burger for dinner leaving 2 leftover. we each brought one for lunch but without the bread. in the back there is some ketchup to dip in, and since i didn't have the bread i did splurge on some chips :) and i completed the meal with an apple

 tips & tricks both helpful and failed

SM had the awesome idea of pre-making our salads for the week. you basically make the 'base' and just add your protein to make a complete salad. here's how i prepped it.

we found a large tupperware and used a spring mix and bag of baby spinach and dumped it in the tupperware. 

Here it is in the tupperwar

we then picked out our veggies and chopped them all up. we used mushrooms, broccoli, cucumbers & shredded carrots

chopped and poured. i didn't really 'mix' it up, we just kinda grabbed and put it in our individual tupperwares for work and ended up getting a little of everything.

slapped the lid on and threw it in the fridge.

 in theory this is a perfect set up. you grab a little salad and then grab a different type of protein and dressing and you're good to go. i definitely love salads.. BUT i found this tip unsuccessful for our household. we ended up just wasting more then was necessary. i wish this worked for us but it just didn't perhaps if we did it in a smaller portion it may. but in terms of doing salad everyday for lunches a definite bust. but maybe it will work for you??? let me know if you try it and love it!! i know SM does!!! :)

my other tip & trick (brought to me courtesy of SM of course)

pack my lunch the night before! (once again DUH)

i am infamous for waiting until the morning (thats 4 in the morning) to pack my lunch. OR i just say eff it! and end up eating at the burrito shop down the street for breakfast and then mcdonalds for lunch. why thank-you 5000 calories for adding another ass cheek :/

so i clean the kitchen IMMEDIATELY after eating and all the while i also pack our lunches. but the key is to do it right away. like as soon as you swallow that last bite, get off your lazy ass, quit moaning and groaning and JUST DO IT!!! :) but seriously i would sit and sit and sit after i was done eating and so i would (maybe) drop my plate off in the sink before bed therefore not leaving time to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen nor the energy to pack my lunch. there's just something that feels pleasant and fresh about coming home to a clean kitchen.

and now let me just share a few ups and downs. i have a hard time with self control. my portion control has been non-existent and my lack of motivation is overwhelmingly overtaking my body. i try to justify why it's ok that i've downed that burger or why it's ok that i just practically licked my bowl of ice cream clean. but at the end of the day i end up kicking myself in the ass because i know it really wasn't worth it. i mean, in the moment it was kick ass. my taste buds thrived and my stomach did the happy dance. but that extra dimple on the back of my legs??? yea he's happy too because he found a new home on my ass! me? not so happy in the long run.

i want to reach my goals because yes i do want to look hot in a bathing suit, i don't want to be mortified by how puffy my face looks in pics, or how grotesque my thighs feel rubbing together in a dress but ultimately i just want to be healthy. i want to live a good and healthy life for myself, for J, and for my future children. i want to give them all the best chance possible to spend the most time with me in a good condition.

while i know this post is incredibly long-winded, if you made it all the way through i thank-you and bless you! :) the future postings of this series won't be nearly as long as i had some explainin to do :) next week we'll get down to business :)

next week i'll share what workouts i've been doing too :)

happy trails!!! xoxo

The Never Ending Weight Loss Journey

by show of virtual hands... how many can you relate to this??

i think forever and ever, as far as i can remember (post-high school) i have always been on this journey. i can really only remember a single time in all my 27 years that i was pleasantly pleased with my appearance and self-image... whilst i was PREGNANT!

that was over 3 years ago....

right before i found out i was pregnant i had actually started to get back down to weight and look i was pleased with. damn marriage does it to you everytime! you simply get too comfortable and eat out entirely too much. i believe Justin and i both packed on a few pounds those first couple years of marriage.

then we decided it was time to make a change.. he had to get hard core PT at work and i just didn't want to be huge once i finally got pregnant (in case i've confused you i'm speaking about before i got pregnant with Savanna but after we got married ;)  )

so Justin and I decided to do p90x. we followed the diet and the workout to a T. Justin stopped the workouts after about 2 wks becuase like i said ^ there... he had to workout for work.

but i kept going. i did it for about 6 weeks and then stopped.

because i found out i was pregnant ;)

6 inches and 15 pounds less here's me..

this was also the day we found out we were pregnant. gah.. looking at this picture depresses me.

i only gained 27 lbs in my pregnancy .

dropped 10 of it after i popped her out.

lost the other 17 while breastfeeding..

and then at 8 weeks new, my sweet girl decided she didn't like the boob anymore and just stopped.

completely.

in retrospect, i probably could have pushed through and we'd have made it to my first 6 month mini goal BUT we were getting ready to move across the country, i was highly stressed, about to leave my family and friends and a home i had created for the last 13 years. leaving that to a place of unknown.

anyway, that's another blog.

moral of the story.. i quit breastfeeding -- but kept eating like i was breastfeeding.

and so began the journey of the weight GAIN.

in the last 3 years or so since that day i made the decision to cease the nursing, my body has undergone some dramatic changes. the picture you see up above is a mere figment of my imagination. i am now only a mere 3 lbs away from the weight i was when i was pregnant with Savanna.

difference is?

there's no bun cookin in the oven.. unless you count the gobs of carbs i devoured from the mexican food potluck of course ;)

since gaining the weight after the birth and post breastfeeding i have tried every diet imaginable.

hsg -- AWFUL

south beach -- expensive

paleo -- tiring

low carb -- starving!

low cal -- blegh

basically.. i've done a little of this and a little of that only lasting the most 1 month (the paleo). otherwise i've thrown in the towel, given up, and binged at the first fast food joint i saw.

clearly i am unhappy in my appearance.

the other night we went out with some friends.. i had to settle on some skinny jeans with a STRETCH waist band bc NOTHING else fit.. especially not the cute shorts.. not that i wanted to sport my hail damaged legs or anything.

so now.. i am deciding. it's time for change. i'm tired of constantly complaining but then going to the burrito shop down the street from my job and ordering their biggest breakfast burrito.

with us trying to get pregnant and me being at the weight i am at and leading the lifestyle  i am.. no good can come of it. my pregnancy with Savanna was so incredibly smooth and i know ALOT of that is owed to the fact i was healthy and worked out daily. i am fearful of what a 2nd pregnancy will do to my body with the condition i've left it in at this point.

i need to get back to that place.

i need to find motivation again.

so today I had a meeting with my very sweet dietician friend S. she's amazing! she made me up a meal plan, gave me some AMAZING tips -- which i will share with you as i take you along with me on this journey ;)

the best thing tho?? she's keeping me accountable!! sure.. Justin can try to hold me accountable except for one problem.. he's my husband. instead of taking his advice or his bantering  encouragement lightheartedly instead i want to punch him in the face. (literally not metaphorically) don't worry -- no Justin's were injured in this process :).

AND she's going to work out with me.. i'm telling her my schedule and then i have to meet up with her and sh'es going to basically tell me what to do.

is it weird that i'm excited? as i sit here typing this i can feel the wrath of my gross protruding gut quiver at the fearfulness that is about to occur.

i have an addiction to food and an addiction to lazy.

and it's time to change that.

i'll take you on my little journey.. posting tips, tricks, meals and workouts as we go along. and maybe some progression photos..

what are some things you have done or have found challenging during your never ending weight loss journey?

Organized Life

i have never been a super 'tidy' person.

i think a lot because my dear sweet mom is slightly OCD :) (love ya mom!)

and so i just ended up rebelling.

for the longest time tidyness was of the LEAST importance to me.. then i got married.. and it still hung low on the totem pole of importance and priority. but then.. we had a baby.. and well

i still didn't care..

especially with a little one, no matter how hard we tried there was a constant inability to keep things together and keep things organized.

after we purchased our first home together after moving to texas, i was finally really ready to 'figure' out my style.

my design asthetic so to speak.

but then, courses changed.. and Savanna died after only living in our first purchased home for 4 months. so organization..style..decoration.. well it became the back burner.

but then.. about 1 year ago, i finally got back the urge and the desire to make our house a home. so corny i know. sure we had pictures here and there. photo albums stacked there, wedding paraphanelia sitting atop the bookshelf etc..

well needless to say, my rebellious days of being a non-cleaning, unorganized rebel ceased to exist.

i craved organization and cleanliness. order and proper places for things became such a craving. i'm still learning. and pinterest has most definitely made that transition exceptionally easier.. although i consider myself 'crafty' and 'creative' i still need a boost of inspiration every here and again.

so basically what i'm saying is that i finally started to hang pictures and artwork. i've scoured the internet and walked up and down the aisles of home goods stores and i am slowly beginning to realize what i like and don't like.

i have finally started to 'move in' to our home. it's no longer just a shell of walls windows and doors.

there is still MUCH room for improvement. but as i move along and figure it all out i'll share the steps along the way :)

******

here is a life planner by erin condren i just purchased!

i am so stinkin stoked to get this!!!

it will help me to organize blog posts (because i plan to become much more present in this space once again)

organized school, work and life.

here's a little video about it.. it's amazing. you should get one ;)



i'll share a review with y'all as soon as it comes in

********

here are some things you can expect to come as the blog gets its makeover!

- i haven't quite yet chosen a new name/design for the blog but it is my top priority! :) you're feedback has been amazing and i think i've narrowed it down to 3 now!! keem em' comin :)
- our infertility journey
      - pretty much my 'real life' friends are well aware of this journey.. i have finally reached a point that i feel ready to share it with the rest of you :)
- reviews! anything and everything!
- tutorials
- pinspiration: curious about something you've pinned? want to know if it works.. i'll try it out for ya and give a full disclaimer ;)
- diy projects (Savanna Nursery tour coming soon)
- organization
- recipes and meal plans
- fun fun fun!

- of course there will always be sprinkles of Savanna glistening throughout our daily stampings. she's our reason after all :)

last but not least... i'll still continue to blog just about life in general.. mostly i want you to know there's no limitations to this blog. some are diy'ers some are reviewers some are sewing just call me a lifestyle.

i'm so excited for the improvements to come!

and thanks for jumpin on and riding along :)

New Blog Name -- NEED YOUR HELP!!!

i'm calling on you to help me out!

i've never been a decisive person. just ask J he'll tell you.

trying to pick a place to eat.. WWII

trying to find something to wear = half my closet on the bedroom floor

it's true i'm sucky at making decision. (but i certainly am well aware of what i DONT want!)

so i've been racking my brain trying to find that perfect new title for the blog. something that just smooshes everything into one. but i can't decide.

i'm not quite sure if i've found 'the one' yet.. so i need your help!

i'll list the ones i have come up with, you tell me if you like one of those. OR if you think of something better :)

while i love and always will love Savanna's Wings.. i feel it's time to retire it an bring forward the evolved creations of our life from todays. thanks in advance for being awesome!

Titles so far:

Life with the Bogues (so simple i know)
Just Breathe
Our Thereafter
Silver Linings
So This Is Love

Ok folks, that's all i've got so far.. help a sister out! :)

Meeting Milestones

first i wanted to start off by saying that i am sooo ready to get back into writing again. i've had trouble getting back into the swing of things when it comes to this blog. (as i'm sure you've realized as the posts get more sporadic and then there's bursts of promise that i'm back). there have been several times that i sit here and i stare. and i stare. i click the keys. then delete. stare some more. until finally i click out of blogger and head over to fb or youtube.

so i had to dig deep. well not really. i just had to think. and if you know me at all, you know how intense my schedule is. i pretty much have to pencil thinking into my calendar events. along with pooping and showering. pitiful. i know. (ahhh the life of a nursing student).

so as i used my time wisely i began to ponder over why it was that i simply just couldn't blog anymore. even though the need and the desire to was still clearly present. and then it hit me. it was so clear and made so much sense. (i've even talked about it before duh!)

this is Savanna's space.

it always has been.

i have always reserved this place to be completely and truly vulnerable when it came to my grief and how i was feeling. or simply just the head space i was in at that particular time i decided to type.

as i always talk about my grief evolving, i've also talked typed a bit about this space evolving. but for some reason, i couldn't do it. i just couldn't. and so i came up with the thought of 'oh, well i'll just start a new blog.' sorry to say.. that's too much work.. remember how i said i have to schedule poop time?? yeah. carrying a secondary blog, or heck just starting over didn't seem a feasible option. it seemed more of a headache. so, again. i thought some more. (i had to push some things back in my schedule to alott for this extra time i needed).

and the impact of my realization pretty much slapped me in the face. and it rather crushed my heart a bit as the that moment came to me. it was so crystal clear, but so hurtful at the same time. so here it is.

although i know all things evolve. all things change. i was stuck in a bit of denial about this special little blog. i didn't want to truly admit what was happening to this space. so i would come on here, let y'all know i was still alive. let y'all know i was still hurting. still sad. still trying to survive. and then it would appease my guilt. but here's the thing. i would write more..

if.

i didn't always have to write about Savanna.

if.

i didn't always have to write about grief.

if...
*******
that stings. well hurts like a SOB to say that here. somehow anytime i type anything here it becomes real. becomes permaneant. becomes reality. i think because of how much time, energy and care i've put into this space. it's always been reserved for her.

but now.

i've reached an entirely different place in my journey.

acceptance.

even as i type the words i have tears running down my face. tears of sadness? yes. but also tears of hope. it's been 2 years 8 months 23 days since our girl became an angel.  and for the first time today i've made it permaneant. made it a reality. i've accepted the life that's been lost.

i have accepted that this IS my new life
i have accepted that i'll never know why
i have accepted that my daughter died.

i. have. accepted.

and to be honest.. it feels nice. it feels refreshing. it feels hopeful and uplifting.

don't skew my words though.. should you be on the outside looking in.. this may be strange. may sound strange. and you may not understand. but stop before you judge. the shoes i walk in are ones that follow a very treacherous road. so take heed before you 'imagine' yourself in them.

i will continue to miss her each and every day. and still. not a day goes by that i don't think of her. she is always forever will be my girl. my Bo. my Savanna. that will never NEVER change.

but i've changed. and i have been molded into this new found person. death changes you. whether you want it to or not. whether you think it does or not. whether you think you've stayed the same or not. you change. you are molded and created into an entirely new being. the bits of past are still remnant of who you are. but ultimately you become renewed.

i always thought that my membership to mommyhood had been stripped, suspended so to speak. i know today that it's not true. so many false truths we push into our minds and create such dark and dreary circumstances for ourselves. the devil himself encourages these very easy to stay in thoughts.

but after so much work. so much trial and error. many many many tears. break downs. panic attacks. yelling fits. uncontrollable cries. fights. i have found the light of acceptance. and i am grateful.

so.

with that being said. where does that leave sweet Savanna's Wings?

well it will change.

so much of my issue with this space is that i just didn't feel the need to write about Savanna as much as used to. Most things were repeated. i had skipped and hopped from one grief stage to the other that i just felt like i was on a repeated loop. and so it didn't mean as much so i just stopped. i hated feeling like a broken record. it wasn't helpful.

but as my heart began to continue its healing, i realized there was more i wanted to share with the world. there was more i wanted to share with y'all.

the struggles with infertility.

trying to conceive after an infant loss.

DIY projects.

marriage trials and tribulations.

trips and vacations.

laughter and happiness.

hope and light.

but until i made this change in my heart and until i made it ok to change this space within myself i knew it wouldn't happen.

but now.

now it's ok.

so as i do more research, the face of the blog will be changing. Savanna's Wings will be filed to the places of my heart filled with memories of her. you will still be able to come to this place to find me here. i haven't quite figured out the finer details.. i am still on the hunt for a blog designer :) i know i could probably conquer this myself BUT remember what i said about scheduling ;)

so come on in. grab some coffee and your most fave blanket. join me on this next journey of our lives. cross the road hand in hand with me while my little ladybug sprinkles her love and light, happiness and hope all along the way.