January 4, 2011

A New Year a New Me

WOW! What a year it's been. So many mixed blessings I don't even know where to begin. It's now the fourth and I finally have given myself a moment to think back to what actually happened the last 364 days. The year started and I was 6 months pregnant. We were excited, nervous, anxious and ready for the little bug to show. No one more anxious than I as the sleepless nights, countless trips to the restroom and late night refrigerator and pantry raids became increasingly annoying. The days seemed to grow longer and I was more and more tired of work. (I was working at Ross at the time)

We also celebrated our third Valentine's Day together. I awoke that morning to find the hubster missing in action. Not a rare occasion as he is always out of bed before me. As I walk out he has a pink monkey, flowers, and a solid silver wedding band. (this was after we promised we wouldn't get each other anything to save up for baby Bogue.. go figure, he NEVER follows the rules!!) I wanted a solid band to replace my pointy jagged diamond band. All for our little bundle that would soon meet us. (I found out shortly after baby B was born that my nails were way more hazardous than my ring) I was overjoyed and thrilled. As I felt fat, nasty, and always in the way... this brought a smile to my face. We than enjoyed a dinner of just the two of us that evening. (we knew the 'just the two of us' dinners would be scarce once little bean joined us, so we took advantage!) There was even more this past year brought us.

I was a coach for my high school that I graduated from. (cheer and dance) I was in my fifth year of coaching and my final year. Not because I was pregnant (please believe I was still doing pirouettes with the best of them!) but because J had received new orders that would bring us to Wichita Falls, TX.( He was getting an instructor position, and although we were absolutely thrilled for the amazing opportunity and wonderful blessing for our little family to be, I was sad.) So in my last year of coaching, our girls (and guys) managed to clench the 4A State Championship! The first time EVER!!! We also got bid to the national competition in Anaheim, CA (I would not be able to attend since it was too close to my due date). The spritline became my family. The coaches my best friends and mentors. The kids a reason to keep going. I knew of all things I would miss them most. But I had to come to terms with the new reason to keep going, and although the spiritline became a part of my past it did not mean I needed to forget. That team will always have a little piece of me.

J and I also celebrated our 24th birthdays, and our 2nd wedding Anniversary. We also welcomed our newest addition, baby Savanna. Our little miss priss. She became our new reason to keep going, to make a better life for her. Shortly after she was born, we knew we would be moving. Savanna was born March 28, and we were leaving May 28th. She would be exactly 8 weeks. So we were enjoying the thrills of parenthood, the broken sleep, the pitiful cries, the poopy diapers, and the milestones. And while we were trying to enjoy becoming parents, we were having to pack. The movers came and boxed up our entire life and loaded it onto a truck. That Friday we would head to TX. I said goodbye to my team, my friends, my best friend, the B's, and my parents and brothers. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I had made a life for myself for the past 12 years, and although I was excited for the path the Lord had laid for us, I was scared as hell.

So we left and we came to Texas. We bought our first home together. A cute little 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1500 sq. foot with a fireplace brick home. The moment we stepped in we knew it was our house; our home. Savanna would grow up her early years here, we would truly get a start on our family. J began teaching, I found a new job, and went back to school. Savanna continued to grow and grow and grow. She rolled over the first time, crawled, and talked in this house. She began to sit up on her own and even started to recognize her own name. She was curious and wanted to get into everything around her. Including the dogs bone!

Along with good there is always bad. And the worst of it all, as you all know, is the day the Lord needed Savanna back. It's funny, I think back to the beginning of last year, to where I was ago from this point in time. I was such a different person even than. I feel that I have grown so much just over the last month and a half. I've grown in my marriage, in my faith, as a mother, a friend, and a woman.  And that happened in such a small time frame when you compare it to the rest of our lives. All of these things happened within the tiny walls of a mere 365 days--52 weeks--12 months--1 year As quickly as I blink, it all happened and was over.

And now here I am on the brink of the 2 month anniversary of my baby girl passing. We will celebrate our 25th birthdays, our 3 year wedding anniversary, Savanna's first birthday. A new year with new events and new memories. How I wish everyday Savanna was a part of those new memories, but I will forever be grateful for the 7 months and 15 days I had with her. I will be forever thankful for the 38 weeks I got to be lifeline. I got to have a person in my person for 38 weeks, a little being who from the moment I met I fell instantly in love with. A teeny little person that stole my heart that March afternoon.

So now, here I am. It's a new year and of course everyone asks what their New Year's resolution is. Mine? To have a better one! To not let the darkness overrun the light in my life. To keep getting up the morning and to keep going. To learn and grow, to love more and hate less. Laugh lots and smile contagiously. Cry some, yell a little. "We either get busy dying, or get busy living (thanks dad!)." I choose to get busy living.

2 blessings, thoughts. &. feelings:

Brittney said...

Geeze! I want to be like you!! You are amazing and full of courage! I love reading your blogs... you're so talented at writing! Of all the people I know, you've had it the worst this past year... And you are coming out ontop so fast! I'm so proud of you, you truly are a wonderful example of how we all should be.

Anonymous said...

Hey Sis! Just jumping on your blog like I was a 15 year old kid again! I love it! I truley miss you my best friend! I know you are in good hands with that wonderful husband of yours. (J you better be nice ) I love you both! and knowing that you are smiling makes me smile. Almost everyday I hear Leann Rimes and Everyday that one tear comes down knowing that my neice is just looking down on us all! I am so proud of you my dear friend and your year 2010 has been a Yield sign in your life and you are slowy merging onto that highway we call life.. I hurt, cry, smile, laugh, grin for you everyday! You are a rock my best friend. I dearly miss you and wish to see you soon, real soon! XOXOXOXOXO your ex roomie, BEST FRIEND but most of all your sister!!!! :)