February 5, 2011

A Good Day

So I have noticed, as I peruse through old postings, it seems I am mostly drawn to the keys of the computer and this text box when I'm feeling less than thrilled to be walking the earth without my baby girl. So I have decided, that this post will be full of light less, WAY less darkness. Because today was a good day. A REALLY good day. And my good days are few and far in between it seems. At least the days that are good from beginning to end. So I have the urge to share it. It was nothing short of spectacular, but for me it was a breath of fresh air. So many of you have joined me through my journey of the darkness, sadness, pain and heartache. Today, I urge you join me on this day of laughter, happiness, and even a little bit of actual joy. Today made me realize that one day, eventually, I will really be OK.

Like I said previously, there was really nothing about this day that was extraordinary. Sure I had my sad moments, but they were quickly brushed away by the happy ones. First off, J had to work today. (boo to the snow and ice that gave him 3 days off, but took away our weekend!) I faintly remember him kissing me on the forehead on  his way out the door, a noise came out of my mouth, a grunt maybe, a mumble. In my mind I said 'I love you' he responded with something back, but than I fell back into my comatose sleep. I awoke at 930 feeling refreshed. I woke up went pee, let Meela out, checked my Facebook, checked my email, checked my blog and cruised the net.... IN BED! It was fantastic... I had music playing in the background and I was sitting in my PJ's without an agenda. I than came to find that the kids I coached for were performing, and the competition was getting streamed live on the internet. (Oh how I love you internet) So I got to giddily watch my kids perform. Those kids, that program, those coaches will forever always have a little piece of me, and made me feel as if I were back there again. I'm sure if the windows were open the neighbors would think I was nuts... cheering them on, hootin' and hollerin'. In the aftermath, I was pretty embarrassed for myself.

All the goodies I got today
So I watched a little more, than I decided I would take a shower--so I did, naturally. At this point it was a little after 1230, yes folks that's right 1230--which means I stayed IN be IN my PJ's for 3 hours! :) It was wonderful. After my shower I decided I wanted to get out of the house. Besides going to work, I have been cooped up in the house since Monday evening. And for those of you that know J and I, we are not a coop up in the house kind of people! So I went to PetsMart and got Miss Meela May her dog food, headed to Michael's and got scrap booking goodies, headed to Hobby Lobby to get MORE scrap booking goodies,dashed over Taco Bell (I don't care if they don't use real beef!) and got me some yum yum for my tum tum. I than proceeded to go home. I received a text from the hunny that he was on his way home too!

J's new bible and case
My new case
So I arrived home to Mr. J already there... I showed him my goodies, he rolled his eyes and we laughed. He made fun of me I poked fun at him, he changed out of his uniform, and we got back on the road. (remember what I said? We are not a stay in the house cooped up kinda people) We headed over to Mardel's--the coolest store ever! J got a new bible (his old one got ruined!) and a case for it, I bought a book and a case for my bible. Next on the stop was Academy (only J's most favoritest store EVER) and looked around. Than it was over to Dollar Tree. If you have never been there.. you MUST go.. everything really is $1!!! We got Meela some raw hides (that's the new spot for those fun things!) and than it was time to head to dinner. We went on a little dinner to date to my ever so favorite Texas Roadhouse! We both enjoyed an alcoholic beverage.. I had a salad and J some ribs. And we took our time and enjoyed our meal. Than it was destination: home bound.

Once we got back we unloaded and I started scrap booking! I find it so relaxing and fun.. always brings back the memories from those little snippets in time. J watched TV, I scrap booked... it was a perfect end to a wonderful day. J headed to bed (he has to work again tomorrow!) I cleaned up the horrendous mess I made with stickers, paper, scissors and glue, and now here I sit clicking away at the keyboard, sharing my adventures. And that was my day! Like I said, nothing short of spectacular, probably very average, boring day for the average Joe.. but for me it was spectacular. It was a day for me, a day for J and me a day that I could smile.

These are all of the pages I did tonight
As I went through my day I still thought about her. I still miss her and I still wish she were here with me. But rather than the darkness settling in as I thought of her it was light. Rather than tears, the memories and the moments brought joy. As the darkness tried to creep in I forcefully pushed it away. Today was my day, a day for me.. and I refused to let the shadows overpower me. Perhaps my Savanna was giving me an extra push today and used her little angel power dust on me. She knew how badly I needed it, I needed a break from the pressures and the dark. So although it may have just been an average day to most, to me it was a wonderfully fantastical kind of day. It was a day with no dark and a great deal of hope. Hope and peace that is reassuring and inspires me to keep going. You know the saying don't you? "One wo/man's junk is another wo/man's treasure." Well I have re-mixed it "One wo/man's average day is another wo/man's stupendously awesome day." never take the average days for granted. Open not just your eyes, but your hearts, breathe in the beauty and soak up the warmth. Those tiny small moments in time are so precious and dear. And remember, once this minute has passed, it's gone and you can't get it back. They say to treat every day like it's your last--I say treat everyday like it's your first.

And now, tonight, I will lay my head upon my pillow and hope that I will awake tomorrow with the same light and the same renewal. I never know if I'm going to, not until I open my eyes and swing my legs over the ledge preparing to leap off. Each day I take that leap. I take that leap for Savanna,  and I take it because she's worth it.

3 blessings, thoughts. &. feelings:

Brittney said...

I'm so happy you had such a wonderful day!! I had a though come while I was reading this! As the days keep passing and you keep taking them at full force... these "Spectacular" days will be more often.. then pretty soon.... EVERYDAY!!! How fabulous would that be?!!! I love your scraping book stuff!! I'm so jealous! Your new bible cover are AWESOME!! Thanks for the reminder I need to go get one too. I had my other for 16years... oh definately time for a new one o:) I love you my friend!! I hope these wonderful days keep a coming and you keep embracing!! Cheers to "SPECTACULAR" days!!

Brittney said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVED the last part!!! You're right... we need a "love love love" button!! LOL!!

Tena said...

This is one of my favorite blogs. Everyday you do it for her and as you get up and live, she cheers you on. You see now she knows what God knows, your purpose in being here. She's cheering you on to the goal. You are amazing my friend. So so very proud of you!