J texted me in that exact moment. It's funny, he seems to always know when I'm in a hump. Here was our convo..
J: "How's it going."
T: "Not good, it's been a replay kinda day."
J: "Just remember the good memories."
T: "I'm trying but it's not working. I'm having a hard time remembering."
J: "Remember the raptor."
I literally started cracking up. Out loud, like a fool, at the front of the office. I couldn't help it. What am I talking about? This is what I'm talking about...
I received another donation for another shirt (that brings the count up to 8!) I also spoke with my good friend JE with the spiritline in AZ. She already received an order for a shirt and many requests to come. She sent out a mass email about all of the schools in the district participating in a jean week.. all of the proceeds will be donated to the SIDS foundation in Savanna's honor. One of the other schools had already wrote her back that they wanted to participate! She has made it their goal to get orders for shirts! At that point I couldn't stop smiling. I was so taken a back and overwhelmed. So many wonderful gifts were being put in my path. So many humbling experiences forcing me to take a step back and look at the picture as a whole. My world had seemingly become slightly less shaky and quite a bit lighter. The replay had stopped. Only sound bites and snippets seemed to entertain my thought process. And then the icing on the cake.
I just finished doing a couple pages in my scrapbook. Hubby went to bed, and I of course still awake decided that I was going to blog about my humbling experiences. As I logged in I found I had an email that I had received a comment. Here is bit from what she wrote:
"Since reading your story on Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope, I have been trying to think of something to do in honor of your Savanna. Last night I searched for and tried something on a whim, and made a little tribute to Savanna on my blog."
It is now that I realize, that God did answer my request, my prayer. Not in the specific sense that I wanted it.. I wanted her physical being here, and that just can't happen... But He did remind me that she is always with me.. in my heart, in the hearts of others, in the world surrounding me, in the small and intricate details of the earth, in the meaningful words of another, in the humbling and selfless acts of a complete stranger, in ladybug sightings, sunflowers, and sunsets. He gave me more then just a minute with her. He's giving me an eternity. A forever. It's not the way I pictured it, but if it's the only way I can have her, then I will take it with heart and arms wide open. He also reminded me that I have to fight and I have to keep fighting. I can't and I won't let the darkness win--because I am a survivor. If I sat in the dark and let the movie replay day after day.. I would be missing out on my many many many minutes with Savanna.