March 5, 2011

A Visitor

I am continuously amazed by the warm hearts and good natured people sprinkled throughout this world.

Yesterday I was home by myself, getting ready to leave and my doorbell rang. I don't really know many people out here.. and I watch wayyyy too much Dateline, so I must admit I imagined the worse. I looked through the peephole and there was a woman I could see.. I thought, OK, I could take her down if need be. I opened the door and there was something familiar about the face of this woman. Living in a small town and not knowing too many.. I knew that I had met her before. I looked down at her waist and saw a gun and a badge.. and than it clicked. It was the detective that night at the hospital that questioned J and I. I'm sure I had a ridiculous look on my face.. I didn't know what she was doing here. We had already received the autopsy results and the final death certificate.. Is something wrong? Did they find something? Finally I got a clue and invited her in.

She  came in and sat on my couch across from me. She proceeded to tell me that they had received the autopsy results and she wanted to let me know that they are officially closing Savanna's case. The medical examiner's conclusion came to a natural death due to SIDS and the toxicology results were also all negative. (I don't think she knew that we received our own copy of the report) So I said, so it's done? That's it? She said, "Yes. It's done. I promised you that I would let you know as soon as we found anything out. And I just wanted to make sure you knew." I could see a small twinge of pain behind her eyes.. is she a mother? had she just been in this business too long? had she lost a child? She looked at me, right in the eye and said "Again, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss" Typically these words cause me to go on a rant. I think it's because I heard it so often, and sometimes said with no emotion that I came to resent that phrase. But her tone, and her eyes and the way she said it.. told me she meant it from the center of her being.

She asked me if I went back to work, told me I had a pretty dog and gazed at pictures of Savanna sitting on our coffee table. She told me she had stopped by earlier and no one was home, so came back after business hours.. she remembered (or did she look at our file? I like to think she remembered) where I had worked and knew I didn't get off til 5. So she came all the way back. Our meeting lasted all of five minutes, and as quickly as she came, she left.

I sat there for a moment after I closed and locked the door, and I couldn't help but smile. This woman.. she didn't have to come to my house.. TWICE for that matter. She could have called, or sent a letter. There was nothing pressing in her reports that called for a personal visit. But she did. She took the time to come and tell me.. to inform me that they had closed the case and there was no foul play. She took a moment to honor Savanna's life and death. There are still good people out there. Sometimes we think these people see this kind of thing everyday, it's just part of the job. Even if that were the case for her she cared enough to come. And even if it was just something she did as protocol for herself.. She still did it. And it meant the world to me. She took a moment out of her day for my Savanna. Savanna wasn't just a victim to her, or a file number. Savanna was a person, she had a name and a life.. and she took a moment of her time to recognize that.

7 blessings, thoughts. &. feelings:

TanaLee Davis said...

This is so sweet to hear about. Thank you!
~Felicia

Mary said...

Tabatha, being a former communications officer and critical incident specialist with a police agency, I know how hard it is for a cop to deal with the death of a child. Despite the bad reputation cops have, they really do care. Savanna was never just a number or a file to them...Savanna will be someone that she will never forget. After all, you may be right about her being a mom too. I'm glad she was able to give you a bright spot on your day.

LauraJane said...

That's very sweet.

BTW, I totally "go there" when I get a knock on the door. The fact you told yourself you could "take her" made me LOL. :)

New Year Mum said...

Lovely that she came to talk with you in person and was so compassionate xo

Ashley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julia said...

Just started following your blog Tabatha. Hugs to you sweet girl. Instead of taking this incident as a dark spot in your day, you looked at it in a positive light~ Savanna was holding your hand. You are a strong woman.... and you humble me.

Chad said...

Thank you for sharing your experiences with the world. I find myself experiencing many of the things you've shared in your blog. I'm learning to lean on those who have been down this road before me, even if it's only steps ahead of where I am.