I wonder everyday what you're doing up in Heaven. I wonder how you look with your wings.. I'm sure you're absolutely breathtaking. You took my breath away everyday on this earth, my mind simply can't grasp the beauty that you must be emitting now. I have met lots of new friends. But you know that don't you?! I know you and their baby's are up there, re-arranging the clouds ensuring that we all find each other. You all know we need each other. And so you have made it possible for our stumbling upons to be meaningful and heartfelt. You're a smart little one.. You knew I would need these very special mommas to get me through some of the toughest of days. Is it possible that I continue to love you more and more everyday? Just when I think my heart and my very being will explode with the ever flowing love coursing through me, something happens.. and it just seems to expand. So this brings me to my next subject. One of your sweet little friends, Aiden's momma (Natasha) has started this really neat thing. It's called the Happy List Saturday blog hop.. every week on Saturday we are going to write about things that made us happy through out the week.
At first I didn't want to. I knew what today was. What it symbolized. I tried so hard all to do not cry, and not be sad. I tried to look at today like it was any other day.. a normal day. But then I realized, I don't even know what a normal day is anymore. My perception of normal has been flipped over and fallen into oblivion. Be that as it may.. I still pretended I knew. All day, I though of you. I tried not to replay the movie in my head, but that haunting task seemed to fail. So when I came home and saw the message of the blog hop.. I turned away. But then.. it's as if you knew I needed something more. I remember the pictures I had been sent of ladybugs and all the wonderful gifts we had received because of you in the last week or so. And I knew you were speaking directly to my heart. So here I am to participate. And I am going to tell you all about our Happy List for this week.
1. First I want you to see this awesome bracelet that my new friend Megan made! She started reading my blog and wanted to do something special for us! Do you see the S and the ladybug?? She made that extra little touch because she knows how special those are to me. She has a heart of giving and kindness. Thank you for allowing her to be a part of my life!
|Thanks to Megan at Under_Construction Survival Bracelets|
2. Now I'm sure you know this little boy! His name is Jeremiah (Racquel is his mommy) Well, she started this wonderful legacy in his honor and started making these awesome magnet butterflies for the mommy's and daddy's down here on earth. But she even went above and beyond that. She offered to make some for the memory boxes we are doing in your honor! I can't wait to get Savanna's Sunshine really up and going. You have inspired me little girl, inspired me to do wonderful things in your honor. And just look at another friend your mommy made!
3. Next on the list... your angel bear. I know you never got to cuddle this bear.. this one is very special. At your special memorial service in Phoenix, everyone signed a heart and put it in the bear. Some even wrote you a little note. Then it was sewed up and sent home with us. They even put a beating heart in it! Well, she's been naked since we got her that day, and finally I decided it was time to clothe her. I wanted to find the perfect outfit. I found this perfect little princess dress with little ballerina slippers. You were going to by my little dancer! Of course it came complete with the bow (you know how your mama loved bows!!) and last but not least, angel wings. It seemed fitting you know? Today being what it is and all.. I think she's perfect. She reminds me of you.. reminds me how much I miss you too..
It's been 4 months.. I'm not sure how I got here.. not sure how I'll get to your birthday or the next month. But somehow, you'll place these happy moments into my life so that I can breathe another breath and take another step. Keep the love coming in any shape or form it may take.. it keeps me going and keeps my heart connected with yours. Never leave my heart Savanna... I didn't know what a life was like until I gave you life. I love you for always.. I love you forever... I love you with my whole heart and every fiber of my being.
Loving you from earth,